


Shooting Stars

by Yamiga



Series: Nostalgia [1]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-22
Updated: 2014-09-22
Packaged: 2018-02-18 08:31:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2341823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yamiga/pseuds/Yamiga
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hide's felt pain, but nothing amounts to the anguish of seeing his presence diminished in the eyes of his former friend, Kaneki. With too much to bear, the blond isn't handling it nearly as well as he thought.   Slight AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shooting Stars

**Author's Note:**

> Alternate Universe, or kind of, side line plot. It's slight angst, and somewhat dark. I just feel really bad for Hide during the duration of the manga because I understand that Kaneki is a ghoul, but I feel like he's just abandoned Hide. This little oneshot just depicts how I feel for him.

Hide thinks he's stupid, perched over his apartment ledge and gazing at the sky. He thinks he's childish for clasping his hands together and wishing upon a burning star. A nineteen year old, indulging in such childish acts is rather laughable, but he's tried everything up to this point.

 

Wishing on a burning star just seems reasonable.

 

So he clasps his hands together and in a quiet voice, whispers “please bring Kaneki back”. He waits, half hoping that something will happen, yet at the same time, he falls into that stupid pit of reality. Kaneki isn't coming back, he's left.

 

Frowning, Hide takes a few steps back and places his hands in his pockets. Maybe the outcome would be different if he encountered a shooting star, but seeing as that will not happen, he retires back into his living room.

 

OooOoOoOoOoO

 

Four months and Hide walks around the campus with his bag slung over his shoulder. He's forced to hear the countless whisperers of worried staff and students asking “what has happened to Kaneki-san?”. They look towards him for answers, but he doesn't have any.

 

He calls, makes texts and even visits Kaneki's old apartment, but much to his dismay, his old friend doesn't answer, and isn't at home.

 

Feeling more useless than before, Hide finds himself contemplating on whether or not he should just let it go, and give up on Kaneki. Perhaps he's in hiding for a reason, maybe he has a legitimate excuse for not telling Hide where he is.

 

But still....Hide finds it hard to believe that Kaneki would keep anything from him. They are friends right? Are they not supposed to trust each other?

 

With this in mind, Hide knows that he cannot give up. He must find Kaneki under all costs. He's certain that Kaneki would do the same for him.

OoOoOoOoOoOo

 

That smile radiates brighter than ever as Kaneki stands behind the counter of Anteiku, preparing a cup of hot coffee. Every so often, the girl known as Touka, yells at him. Like always, he is quiet and tries his best to continue on his task without the same mistakes. From the kitchen door, Nishiki-san steps out with a plate in his hand. He nudges Kaneki rather playfully on the back and and steps away to give the order.

 

Hide currently sits silently, sipping his now cold cup of coffee. With his hoodie concealing his identity, his stares ahead and watches Kaneki's movements. Frowning slightly, he suddenly feels a sense of torment manifest itself within the depths of his heart.

 

Maybe it's jealousy that plagues him now, mundane jealousy. Because despite the fact that his best friend is practically feet away from him, he feels as if he is staring at a completely different person. He feels that any attempt of conversation with Kaneki will result in nothing but distant rambling.

 

_Just talk to him._ A voice practically screams.  _He is **your** friend Hideyoshi, not **theirs.**_

 

And like that, Hide finds himself standing, as his legs move towards the counter out of control. It takes Kaneki only seconds to notice the blond approaching him. And no, he doesn't wear a face of excitement, or long lost joy.

 

He looks surprised, in a very conflicting way. Touka also notices Hide, and she frowns. At that moment, the blond contemplates on turning around and leaving, but figures that would be rude. They've already seen him, so what's the point?

 

“Hey Kaneki!” He forces a smile. “Long time, no see! What's up?”

 

Holding a coffee cup in his hand, Kaneki finally returns a smile. “Hide, it's been a while...” He takes a breath and steps from behind the counter. “How'd you find me?”

 

_Not what's up, or anything like that. Just 'how'd you find me'._ Hide thinks. “I've just been looking around, I remember we met here a while ago, before you went missing.” He looks ahead. “Touka-chan still works here?”

 

“Yeah.” Kaneki itches his head. “Well, I've gotta get back to work.”

 

Hide feels a stone fall in his heart. “Oh, that's fine...see you then.”

 

With a smile, both friends depart and are on their way. 

OoOoOoOoOo

 

“You're a ghoul,” Hide hears Touka whisper. “He's a human, do you have any idea the consequences_”

 

“I know.” Kaneki defends. “But he's still my best friend.”

 

In silence, Hide continues to listen with his back pressed up against Anteiku's back ally way. From the open kitchen window, he can hear both Kaneki and Touka going back and forth.

 

“But you know he will turn on you, don't you?”

 

Silence ensues as Hide waits in anticipation for what Kaneki will say. If he tells himself the discovery of Kaneki's new life doesn't surprise him, then he's lying. However, it doesn't draw him away from his friend either. Ghoul or not, Hide believes that Kaneki, is still Kaneki. He just hopes Kaneki, thinks the same way.

 

“Yeah...” The ghoul speaks silently. “He wouldn't understand.”

 

_Seriously?_ Hide swallows a dry lump in his throat.  _Doesn't he trust me?_

 

“And if he ever figured out, I'd kill him. He could put us all in danger, just think of Hinami-chan. She's been through so much.” Touka speaks. “It would be best for you to cut all ties.”

 

“Maybe I will.” Kaneki responds. “It's for the good of all of us...” There is regret in his voice, but as far as Hide is concerned, their friendship is all but annihilated. With a heavy heart, he turns a heel to run, but the back door opens. Standing there, shocked, is Kaneki. He holds a trash bag in his hand.

 

“H..Hide...” He breathes, but he is too late. The blond already makes his escape.

OoOoOoOoO

 

The weeks pass and the two keep their distances.

 

Hide attempts to stay focused, but he finds himself falling behind, or just growing depressed. So like any human being yearning to be happy, he makes a sloppy effort to cover up his sadness. 

 

Once or twice, he sneaks into the bar with some guys he doesn't really know. He vaguely remembers getting drunk and sleeping with one. Said guy had black hair, and soft eyes, almost the same as Kaneki.  _What a pity_ Hide thinks. He is still caught up over Kaneki, yet at the same time doused in depression.

 

He doesn't want it to be like this, but he feels so lost without Kaneki, so incomplete. Just the mere thought that others are experiencing that warmth and life Kaneki sheds is enough to make Hide sick. It makes his stomach churn, and his insides burn. Just like the putrid affects of alcohol.

 

Nights he finds himself hunched over the toilet, expelling his insides like they're some type of vile poison. Headaches riddle his throbbing nerves, and eventually he crashes. On the bathroom floor, on the kitchen floor, in the bed room....any where. In a deep pit of darkness, he finds himself lost. Tears stream down his cheeks and make the pain in his head almost unbearable. 

 

One pill, two pills, three...he's lost count.

 

Anything to make the pain subside, the headaches at least.

OoOoOoOoO

 

Hide thinks he is dreaming.

 

He sees Kaneki, sitting at his dining room table. Hands folded, sorrowful expression...and hair white. He greets Hide with a hopeless smile when he sees the blond coming down stairs. The blond moves some stray hair from his face and slowly makes way to the table where he finally sits.

 

He wonders if Kaneki knows how much he's changed. He has bags under his eyes, his skin is paler, and his hair is rather faded. He knows that the smell of sake still lingers in his clothes.

 

“What do you want, Kaneki?” He asks. “Your hair looks nice.” He just finds the need to compliment him.

 

“Thanks...” The ghoul replies. “How have you been?”

 

_Do you really have to ask?_

 

“Fine.” He lies. “And you?”

 

“Same.”

 

For the first time in months, the two stare at each other, in to each others eyes. It's not that much of a shock that the two feel so foreign, so different. Hide wishes it never came to this, and he wants to believe that Kaneki feels the same way.

 

“Sorry, Hide.” Kaneki speaks. “For everything, for lying to you.”

 

“It's okay,” There is a hint of hopefulness in the blonde's face. “Just be honest next time.”

 

“Hide...there isn't going to be a next time.” He says, crushing all hopes that the blond has. “I came to tell you that we should keep our distance. It's good for both of us you know. I don't want you getting hurt...you know what I am don't you?”

 

“You're a ghoul,” Hide breaths. “but you're my friend! We can_”

 

“Hide just try to understand. I've seen what can happen if...I just care about you.”

 

Everything else falls upon dead ears. Hide simply nods until Kaneki says good bye for the last time. He pats him on the back before exiting the small apartment.

OoOoOoOoOoO

 

Another sake, a week later, and Hide just admits to himself that he is in love with his friend.

 

He loves Kaneki. Someone of his caliber loves someone as great and as powerful as Kaneki. It's almost laughable, even more so than the dozens of bottles sprawled across his living room floor. He can't quite remember when he took to drinking, but since then, things have just been going down hill.

 

He finds himself leaving the apartment only to spy on Kaneki, to see him happy with his 'ghoul' friends. Sometimes, he sees the group smile, other times, he sees Kaneki put his arm around a tiny ghouls shoulder.

 

They all look so happy. Too happy for Hide to compress.

OoOoOoOoOo

 

Shooting stars, tons of them fill the sky that night.

 

From his ledge, Hide gazes up and watches as the wishes fly into the darkness. His brown eyes bright with glee, he smiles. He remembers a time when both he and Kaneki sat together, as friends, gazing up at the countless stars in the sky. Some burned, while some flew away. On most occasions, the shooting stars were simply air planes. But they didn't care.

 

How Hide wishes things can go back to those times. Careless, free...friends.

He closes his eyes as a single tear rolls down his cheek. With a drunken smile, he falls backwards off of his ledge and feels the air around him become lighter.

 

_There isn't going to be a next time._ He thinks.  _Goodbye Kaneki, sorry I couldn't be there for you._

 

“If you wanted to die,” Someone says in the distance, mere seconds before he hits the bottom. “Then you should've let me eat you.”

 

_The End_

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I do very much hope you enjoyed it. Please tell me what you think!


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